Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Squeaky and Itchy

Dood ~ Allergies doth abound today. Shite. I've never really had allergies, but today I sure as hell do. The usual symptoms, which I am sure you're sitting on the edge of your seat waiting to hear all about in detail, alas are really not all that important or interesting.

More important, however, is my really annoying new neighbor who has just sprung out of the woodwork to make my life more interesting if nothing else. GOD this lady drives me up the wall. For starters, this lady doesn't know the concept of modesty, not even in the most general sense of the word. Let's just say that she has no problem letting it all hang out. Of course this bothers me, but mostly because she has decided that my HUSBAND is the best thing since sliced cheese and is now over daily, yes daily, to chat or bum a cigarette or generally parade around in front of him. Bless him, he's just too damn nice to people and they come to him in droves, all kinds of winners. They actually come to me, too, I'm just better at being a dick than he is.

So this lady is recently divorced and separated from her husband, has two children - one of which is a special needs child, and yes, we pretty much know all about her life. What really urks me is that when I see her in passing on my own, she ignores the shit out of me, doesn't even smile when I wave or say hi. But when my husband is near, she's just so damn squeaky nice! *GRIN* Boy are my hackles up. And of course, now that he's shown GENERAL KINDNESS to this lady, she's a near-permanent fixture on our porch. Go in, you say? Well, my husband essentially lives on the porch - the man likes the great out of doors, what can I say? So for now, all I can do is hope that she moves - SOON.

When she first started skulking around, I pointed out to my husband that this lady was a lookin' for trouble. Now as a little background, he often thinks that I am paranoid - which I'm not - so he kind of dismissed what I said, even though he's pointed out on several occasions, might I add, that yep, I was right about that one person. *again, GRIN* So, I just admonished him to keep his eyes out, that she's bound to show her cards any time now, she's just that kind of person.

Sure enough, true to form, she's now started up an affair with another resident of our complex (it's really not THAT kind of complex, this is actually the first time there has been anything close to drama in the 5+ years we've been here) who happens to be married, yes married, himself. We know him, we know his wife, and we know his three children. And every day, several times a day, we see him slink into her apartment and slink out several minutes or hours later. He also happens to be the maintenance man here at the complex and is working on a porch nearby so I am sure that his sweet and perhaps unsuspecting wife (though this is so painfully obvious to us just sitting on our porch that I am hard pressed to believe that she is just blissfully unaware of her husband's whereabouts all the damn time) has no clue he's off doinking the new lady. See, this guy tried this with me when I first moved in - 'cause I'm a hot little number, what can I say? But hey, much to his dismay, I HAVE MORALS - AND I'M NOT EVEN RELIGIOUS - IMAGINE THAT!! So he quickly got the picture that I was not available for his late night antics and he moved on to the next newest lady at the time, who has since become my best friend. She was single, and I think, but don't tell her I think this, they had a little thing going on. If nothing else, perhaps some heavy petting, as they say. So, he moved on from her once he realized that well was only knee deep, and I thought we were done with this bright spark. But nope, sure enough he's back and at it with this lady, who has also by the way, detailed to my husband when I wasn't there about how she's lost 100 pounds in the last two years, had a tummy tuck and a boob job, and so she seems to him Maintenance Man like som'in good to eat.

We're the lucky winners of a free spectacle every weekend, too. While the kiddies play in our front lawn with the neighbor kids - even hers, we see this MOTHER OF TWO openly flirt with this FATHER OF THREE in our yard in front of our home. It's really, really fun, in case you can't tell - I'm fucking overjoyed.

In fact I hear her high-pitched squeal outside right now, yelling something over to my husband about only god knows what.

Ugh. How I long for an island.

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