Sunday, June 21, 2009

Papa, Daddy, Pops, Daddy-o

So of course, it's Father's Day. But! It is also the Summer Solstice. How cool! Two holidays in one!

But most importantly, a tribute to my father.

My Father

My father loved me, I knew it then and I know it now. But you may not have gleaned that by looking at his life and his own involvement in mine.

However, what I have learned as I've gotten older and considered my father's love, is that none of that really matters. Firstly, it is all in the past and thus is irrelevant. Secondly, what I choose to remember and focus on is what really counts. I choose to sift out the negative memories and feelings and focus on the good times and things I loved about my childhood and father. Though my time with him was far too short, I was able to spend time with him nonetheless and I am so grateful for that. One of my favorite things to do with my dad was dream about the life we were going to create for ourselves. He would describe my future room in detail and all the things he wanted to give to me, because the fact is, we were poor. I always was as a child, so when I went to live with him after the death of my mother, life was no different in terms of money and lifestyle. But despite this fact, I distinctly remember telling my father that we were rich. Because we had each other, and I truly believed that. I was just so happy to be with my dad that I didn't care that we lived in a house with eight other people, that we didn't have a car or new things or any money. My father would do what he could to make sure that I had a treat now and then, one of our favorites was ice cream. I fully blame my father for my addiction to ice cream that still holds on strong to my little soul today. We used to walk to our local market in Seattle to get a cup of the most delicious vanilla bean ice cream and I still remember how good it tasted. It came from a machine, which usually denotes nasty stuff that I would rather pass by. But this stuff was excellent, true vanilla bean with bits of the bean in the cream - what could be better? Anyway, we would pour a cup, walk around the store to eat it, fill it up again and pay for one serving. Fun.

I loved my father then and still feel the same today. If I could be guaranteed that there indeed is a heaven and that we will be reunited with loved ones, I would become a devout believer if for nothing else than once again be with my father and look into his eyes. He was the one parent who tried, who loved me. He ultimately sacrificed his own life for the sake of mine; how much more loving could a father be?

Happy Father's Day to all the good and devoted fathers today, including my husband - one of the best fathers I have ever known. His girls are so very lucky to have his love, time, patience, and example of what a good man is. I love you both, eternally and abundantly.

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